do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
