i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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