i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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