Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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