does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
