i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
