Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
