He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
