so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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