SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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