there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
