Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
another moral hangover. fuck.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
