Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my liver is dry heaving
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
