He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
