yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
