WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
