peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize