I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
