doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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