whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
