For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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