I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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