we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
