Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
