His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
