I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
