I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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