shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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