There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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