I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
