Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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