3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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