twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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