your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
