There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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