Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
