Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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