we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
