yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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