she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
