Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
