3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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