You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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