I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
