after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
