hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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