Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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