Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
