nut hugger
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
