i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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