now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
