I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
