trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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