I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize