I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
