Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize