I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
