it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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