my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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