It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize