I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
