My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she smelled like a LAN party
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
