haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
