I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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