I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
