i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
