I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
